the first resolution

This day is the end of day. 2007 going to ends and 2008 immediately begins. People always make some resolution in this day, but i don't, i didn't. I never made a resolution in the beginning of new year, not because of i have no hope or plan, instead i have more hopes and more plans--everyday, everyweek. I almost find new things to do every single day and having new dream every couple weeks. My little brain always loaded with brightness ideas that I can't escape from.

For 2007, without resolution in beginning of the year, I did little things that made my life changed. I created Khatulistiwa Online that i hope can be smartest online store in Indonesia and Khatulistiwa Institute that I intend to be think tank for geo-politics and geo-economics studies. Some books are ready to publish in 2008, I'm just waiting for proper partners. We have translated some critical books including A Game As Old As Empire--following book of Confession of an Economic Hit Man, An Atlas of Multinational Corporation, No Logo-Naomi Klein, Liberal Virus-Samir Amin, When Corporations Rule the World-David Korten and so forth. With all those books I'm sure we can make some equilibrium against liberal notion and neo-liberal institutions.

But in the 2008, it's likely will be different. I'm likely going to make some resolution for this year. Particulary in my personal life. For the first time in my life since I broke up with my memorable A almost a decade ago, I can feel that feeling again: a romantic sense. It raise when I met someone with amazing character like A. As if I feel A inside her. She's A in her age. And that make me 'fall' in love. I always look at her pic every single morning and every late nite just to make sure that I'm really 'falling' love to her. And the answer is YES! Yes, I'm 'falling' love with this funny-amazing girl. I can feel her inside me. She can touch my feeling, my deepest inside.

Last week, for the first time I wrote such romantic letter. To her. I never did it in the entire of my life. I always speak up directly when I need to show or explain something to someone. But now, then, I did it. Maybe because of the distance. We're separated by geographical distance.

I confess to her--and to myself--that I'm interested in her. You know, it's not my cup of tea. I never asked someone to be my girl. It happens naturally. But it happens now, with her. Even though I didn't ask her to be my girl, but I confessed to her that I like her, miss her, feel her. I can't deny my feeling, I can't escape from this feeling.

For a couple days I pray to God in order to give us opportunity to live and share something together. Work, experience, knowledge, feelings. Everything can be shared, anything can be done. And I imagine it must be beautiful days. I feel I can tune into her life and she can tune into my life. We have similar character. Love to laugh, going around, crying or talking loudly alias berisik. And the most important thing is... we both have no fear gene in our blood.

So therefore I want to make a resolution in this new year. Because of--and for--her. And Lord, dear, I wish you hear my resolution. My first, the one and only resolution: I want to share a life with her...


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